Safe
by Extraho Incendia
Summary: Angsty Anders/F!Hawke. Post Chantry explosion. Hawke has a reason for taking Anders' life and it has very little to do with anger.


A/N: So another angsty Hawke/Anders short. Was listening to this Bowie song the other day and it came to me so for better or worse here it is. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Age its' characters, worlds or any other such thing. Not for profit just for fun.

X

How you turned my world, you precious thing  
You starve and near exhaust me  
Everything I've done, I've done for you  
I move the stars for no one

You've run so long  
You've run so far

Your eyes can be so cruel  
Just as I can be so cruel  
Though I do believe in you

Yes I do

Live without the sunlight  
Love without your heartbeat  
I, I can't live within you

"Within You"-David Bowie (from the Labrynth soundtrack.)

X

He sat with his back to the world.

She stared at the strip of leather that held back a swath of his hair. There was no sun to paint gold into it. Just a sky filled with smoke and ash.

She remembered the way it had fallen loose and soft around his face as she stared up from beneath him. The way his eyes would grow that much warmer when she smiled at him.

He wasn't smiling now.

She could see weariness in the set of his shoulders. He seemed to have aged almost double over the last ten years.

Had it been ten years? So much time.

Gone in the space of a heartbeat.

He used to joke about following her around like a lost mabari pup but truth was she had been the one following him. When she'd come here to Kirkwall her only worry was keeping her family safe and together but his passion for freedom had slowly infected her until she found herself taking chances she'd never thought she would. To the point of near ruin.

Whatever he'd needed she'd given. Funds. Protection. Her home.

Herself.

How could she forgive him?

How could she not?

She took the final few steps bringing her close enough that she could smell him. She closed her eyes inhaling the familiar scent of spiced ale and medicinal herbs. She locked it away. A memory of happier times.

He started to speak but his words were snatched away by the wind. It didn't matter anyway. She'd stood with him in his convictions. Done everything he'd ever asked of her.

But the way he'd looked at her just before…..

He'd argued with them and she'd gone cold inside.

_What have you done? _She hadn't realized she'd said the words aloud until he turned his gaze to her.

She'll bear the scar from it forever.

She pulled out the little bone knife he'd given her just after she'd met him. It was thin and light and perfectly honed. She always made sure of it.

She clenched it in her left hand her knuckles going white. Then wound her right arm across his chest so that her other hand lay over his heart.

"I love you," she whispered her voice thick.

The blade went in clean and she felt him stiffen for a fraction of a second.

The wet warmth of his tears dripped across her flesh as he pressed his check against the back of her hand. He shuddered and with a sigh he slid from her arms.

She knelt using the knife to sever a large feather from his cloak. She tucked it into her glove so that it lay flat against her forearm.

He looked so peaceful in his stillness a faint smile resting on his lips.

The hand that stroked his check left smears of red. They stood out in relief against the white of his skin.

She bit the inside of her mouth until she tasted the salt of her own blood then straightened standing as tall as she could muster.

No matter what happened from that point on she would take comfort in knowing that he was safe.

He'd crossed a line that couldn't be uncrossed and they'd have hunted him. He'd have had no rest. Not a single quiet day until they'd either caught him or the Taint took his mind. Both living hells.

After everything they'd been through she couldn't bear the thought of him in so much pain. So she'd done the only thing she could. She'd sent him where the Templar could not follow. And some day, Maker willing, she would join him there.

But until then…..

"Come," she said to the others as she pulled her daggers free, "We've work to do."


End file.
